in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
