ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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