Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
