Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
