My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
