Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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