its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
