i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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