You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone threw a dead crab at me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
