would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
