OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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