can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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