lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
