she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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