Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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