i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
