how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
