he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
