She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
