Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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