ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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