I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need to stop coming to work sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
