Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
