I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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