why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize