When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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