Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
