dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize