You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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