Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
