He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
