I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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