I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
