I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
