I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
