There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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