mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
