Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize