whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
