what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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