You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
