i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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