So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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