We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize