woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
