no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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