First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
