Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
