he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
