im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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