Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
