Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
