Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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