I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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