I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
