the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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