He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
