i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
