I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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