Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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