I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
