I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
