Already got asked if we're dating
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
