Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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