The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
