There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
