Ambien. No doubt about it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
