I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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