I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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