wrigley field is MILF paradise
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
