I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize