My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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