thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you win again, gameday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
