I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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