nut hugger
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
