:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
