So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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