I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
