using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
God, I missed his penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
