My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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