I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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