I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found your dick twin last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize