Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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