I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
