I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
