I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
