I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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