I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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