when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
