Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
