Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
