Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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