if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize