shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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